Is It Our Emotional or Physical Weight That Is Holding Us Down?

ADEOLA SHEEHY-ADEKALE
The Honest Perspective
4 min readNov 11, 2021

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By only acknowledging the physical we miss the true weight we are all carrying and that we can choose to lift for others.

Photo of the author by Jessica Lingren-Wu https://www.jessicalindgrenwufoto.com/

I had a moment last night as I looked in the mirror while brushing my teeth for bed. It’s cringe-worthy to admit but I was lost in my imagination, fantasizing about being literally swept off my feet. I caught myself saying, ‘I must shift some of this weight or I’d crush anyone who tried to pick me up.’

My tone was unemotive, it wasn’t a self-hating attack, just a factual assessment of the situation, and it stopped me mid-motion. I stared silently into the mirror I had chosen to be small enough to see my face and nothing else, and I wondered how long that line has been on repeat.

I remember when my children were younger back to a time when they both weighed the same amount. One of them was as light as a feather, the other would make me stagger as they jumped into my arms for a hug. I had no idea that how we move could change the sensation of our weight for the other person, but it was proven time and time again as one of them leaped high with a freedom that boasted of their lack of concern over their body or anything else for that matter, and the other child who was literally carrying the weight of their troubles along with them into my arms.

It was the first time I experienced the weight of how we feel.

I could be healthier, that much is true. I’d love to move my body more, to get outside for blustery autumn walks and dance like a wild woman no matter who is watching, but the weight I need to lose most is not of the physical kind.

Lately, I’ve been reading and listening a lot to men working in the area of ‘male empowerment’ and ‘positive masculine energy’. I’ve been hearing their messages trying to encourage men to step into their role as protectors, leaders and become someone that can be reliable, trustworthy, and strong without ever needing or asserting ‘power over’, and I wonder if this toxic idea of weight ad negative body image isn’t in some way attached to the weight that women feel they need to carry alone because they don’t trust those closest to them to share the load?

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ADEOLA SHEEHY-ADEKALE
The Honest Perspective

Writing on female experience, race, motherhood & self-development. Columnist at Green Parent magazine & Parenting Top Writer. Follow me on IG @adeola_moonsong.